Becoming the Mother God has called you to be

For years, I wrestled with a question many women quietly carry: How do I become a good mother when I did not have that example myself?

Although motherhood was the deepest desire of my heart, I was afraid I would unknowingly wound my children in ways that might mark them for life. I didn’t know what I didn’t know, and the idea of “learning” in real time, with my children as the test subjects, felt terrifying.

But God is good. He taught me.

He taught me that motherhood is not perfected through striving (my natural tendency), but through surrender. Daily, moment by moment, learning to trust Him above my own understanding (or lack thereof), according to His command (Prov. 3:5–6). Motherhood has often driven me to the end of my own understanding, only to find His wisdom waiting there.

He taught me to slow down, to listen for His direction, and to receive His correction. Sometimes that correction even came through the mouths of my own little ones. Sometimes it came from my husband's mouth, and other times from the gentle example of more experienced mothers. No matter the source, I learned to receive it humbly.

Why? Because more than any measure of worldly success, I want to one day hear the Lord say, “Well done, good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:23) in regard to my parenting.

Motherhood has become one of the deepest places of sanctification in my life. God has used it to reveal my weaknesses, refine my character, and teach me what His love looks like. I have found His promise true again and again: “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9).

And I am not finished. My children are only 11, 10, and almost 9. We are still growing together. But even this early in the process, I can testify to God's faithfulness. My children are bold and beautiful in ways only God could have accomplished. And by His grace, I have become a better mother than I ever believed possible. Not because I figured it out, but because God has been faithful to form me. “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion” (Phil. 1:6).

Maybe you did not have a model for motherhood either. Maybe you carry wounds, doubts, or fears about getting it right. Take heart. Your history does not disqualify you from becoming the mother God has called you to be. He can build in you what you did not inherit. Scripture says, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me” (Psalm 27:10). What was absent in your story is not absent in Him.

This Mother’s Day, I am grateful not for perfect parenting, but for a perfect God who mothers mothers. He is a God who patiently teaches us how to nurture, correct, comfort, and love.

And that may be one of His most beautiful miracles.